I make mistakes all the time. Then I keep cooking.

People are always surprised I can cook; I can only attribute this to my general ineptitude in other areas of life. I firmly believe that anybody with two forearms and a stomach can learn to cook well, but many people do not believe this. During conversations, sometimes the topic of cooking a certain food comes up. Granola, for instance. “It’s easy,” I insist. Suddenly, eyes narrow and turn shifty, heads are cocked. “Really? It’s easy?” Yes, it is! I swear, if it weren’t easy, I wouldn’t say so. And I wouldn’t make it as often as I do.

But most people have reason to be skeptical. How many times has some smug back-to-nature-type D-bag insisted that “growing /making/brewing/breeding/milking your own ____” is a cinch, when you know – YOU EFFING KNOW – it is neither a cinch nor anything short of a huge, time-consuming hassle. Should we be made to feel like bad people because we’re not juicing our own fruit or milling our own flour? I don’t think so. Furthermore, these people are part of why most people eschew cooking. Telling someone how “easy” something is, and pretending like you didn’t have to work to mastery, is setting them up for failure. Why not be honest, mofo? You know what makes things a cinch? Practice. Effort. When I first started waiting tables at 18, I was a mess. I sucked. Two months in I still mostly sucked. Four years later, I could do it with my eyes closed (and if you’ve ever been a server, you know that, unfortunately, you often WILL do it with your eyes closed – in the form of “wait-mares”). And nobody likes to hear this, but that’s how it is with most professions and pursuits.

So, that said, it hurts to show you what I’m about to show you, as I have spent most of the past 25+ years trying to smooth a sheen of pure perfection onto everything I touch. By degrees, I’m learning to get over that. If nothing else, consider this a therapeutic endeavor.


Don’t forget to stir your barley, dudes. This took a good 10 minutes of scrubbing that could have been better spent looking up celebrity gossip on dlisted.com.

(By the way, this is my second saucepan in 6 months. I had an oil fire in the first one. Fail number 2.)


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